Air Hockey Bloodbath


“OMG, I think she’s broken her nose”…”I know, he headbutted her!”

As you’ve probably guessed already the “he” was indeed me and they were quite right, I had just headbutted a pretty teenage girl in the face.

It was your typical teen lad’s holiday, spent all night in bars drinking beers and spirits whilst trying to impress the fairer sex.  One bar we went to almost every night had an air-hockey table in the corner that we’d got into a habit of playing.  We quickly got bored of the idea of whacking the puck into the holes once we realised it was possible to make the puck shoot off the table if you hit it just right.  The new game became to hit the other player and ideally their drinks.

Anyway, during one intense battle my mate sliced the puck past me and into the crowded main bar area, so off I went to retrieve it.  The puck it transpired has come to rest at the feet of a group of teenage girls – though they were completely oblivious to this fact.

“Excuse me ladies!” I coolly said as I sauntered up to them and bent down between them to pick up the puck. As I just mentioned, they had no idea the puck was there and so were naturally a little baffled as to why a strange guy was suddenly bending down at their feet.  So baffled in fact that one of them bent down to see what I was doing…just as I triumphantly stood up again.

Somewhere in the middle of her bending and me straightening our heads collided – to be precise, the hard back of my head collided with the soft nose part of her head.

It’s amazing just how much blood can come out of one nose if you hit it hard enough and this, combined with her (and her friends) all screaming and sobbing, made for a very awkward and very public situation that the whole bar quickly became aware off.

People were rushing around stuffing tissues in her face and trying to stem the blood whilst others were trying to calm her and her friends down in order to find out what happened.  There was lots of shouting but the two sentences I remember to this day ringing in my ears as I stood there in the middle of this carnage with my puck in hand were…

“OMG, I think she’s broken her nose!”…”I know, he headbutted her!”

No-one accidentally headbutts a girl in the face do they…but that is what I was frantically tying to convey to anyone who’d listen as my mates quickly ushered me out the door before I was lynched.

Next: I Know, Let’s Store Data Up Our Bums


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