“It could only happen to Matt!” are words I have heard repeated all my life. I don’t think I am any more clumsy or unlucky than most people and I am pretty sure the many “its” could technically happen to you too. It’s just that so many of the things that do happen to me seem to entertain the rest of the human race.
Don’t worry, this is not a cry for help; a sob story or a very public rant. It’s simply that, as I recount the things that have happened to me over the years, people kept saying “maybe you should write these down in a book”.
This seemed like a great idea after a few pints -along with the “we should buy a pub” plan – but in the cold light of day, and with a very blank piece of paper in front of me, I had a not-so-sneaky suspicion that a book might not be something I was actually capable of producing.
However, ignoring that rather important fact, I have instead focused stubbornly on the old saying that “everyone has at least one book in them” and decided to give it a go. (OK, it’s more an online blog at the moment but no-one seems to be queuing up to buy it in paperback just yet).
What you see before you now could quite possibly be the worst and weirdest autobiography every produced but, who knows, maybe it’ll become a manual of things not to attempt and save lives. At the very least it’ll give my descendants an insight into Great-Grandad Matt who was taken from us suddenly.
Luckily for you, I’ve read a lot of books so at I least know that it should have a central character that you get to know and empathise with. As this book is about me I suppose a bit of background would probably help to build a mental picture. I am a 40 something; live in Southern England; have a wife and 2 beautiful young daughters, oh…and apparently I look a bit like Ben Stiller. There, that saved you a couple of precious minutes of your life reading about someone you really don’t care about so I am sure you are now all rooting for me.
But enough preamble, if you’re still reading then let me take you on my journey of misfortune, frequent pain, humiliation and downright weirdness…
Next: Bleeding Piste